Another Monday

Hey Pumpkins!

I’d like to make one note: I received a question yesterday about whether I count calories or not. Yes I still count calories but I focus more on how much protein, carbs, and fats I am getting. I make sure I am hitting all the requirements needed for my body. I feel that I’m not ready to let go of this just yet but I hope one day I can be free of thinking about calories!

Another Monday morning + a fairly uneventful Sunday = a relatively boring post.


This morning I found Jet-Puffed in the cabinet. I knew we had it somewhere and I’ve been thinking about putting it on my banana and PB for about a week now but I kept forgetting to do it! For whatever reason this morning I remembered. Glad I found it. This ooey-gooey marshmellowy loveliness just poured out of the container waiting to be scarfed down  eaten. Of course I stuck my knife in and started eating it out of the tub (yes I lick knives). Then I remembered I should probably put some other nutrients into my body pre-workout.


This morning I was a little weary on going to the gym with Kyle. My hips were fine this morning but had been sore the past 2 days and I didn’t want to push it. I figured I would go and just try some different machines. I ended up getting onto the elliptical and it didn’t hurt at all! Nothing! It actually felt good. I went at a slow steady pace so I could read my new magazine (It’s that time of the month for magazines!!!) and did about 40 minutes.

Last Night:

Spinach tortilla filled with salsa, hummus, and cheese.

Okay so I’m going to be open and honest. Last night at dinner I had a major breakdown about that stupid tortilla in the picture above. The breakdowns have been happening about the same time everyday for the past week. All of the sudden I become overwhelmed with what I’m making, get frustrated, and breakdown. K then swoops in and saves the day by reassuring me it’s just food. He’s right it is just food and if I don’t want to eat it I don’t have to eat it. Every time I’ve gone through one of these breakdowns I end up throwing away the food but then make it again with a smaller portion size and eating it. I think some days I become over-confident and then want to resort back to my old ways. It’s like taking one step forward, two steps back, and a smaller baby step forward. It’s a part of the learning process and it won’t happen over night. I did end up eating that along with my dinner last night and it was worth it :) !

Question: What are your plans for the day? Woo I’m going to see the nutritionist again! I’ll give an update tomorrow/tonight about it.

Do you watch the next food network star? Yes! I missed last nights episode cause I went to bed early but I’m going to catch up on it today!

Any food fears? Have you overcome them? If so how did you overcome them.

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26 thoughts on “Another Monday

  1. I love the elliptical!! It is the least extreme on my legs and back which is what I need. All the pounding from running and soccer has really taken its tole, so I love the elliptical for its fluidity and movement :)
    Oh gosh food fears. I remember when sweets were a big no no for me. I would be dying inside watching my friends eat their ice cream and candy, but I didn’t think I could eat them without exploding into a whale. Now I treat myself. In fact, last night I had 2 smores :)

    • ahh i love sweet foods but it’s still hard for me to just indulge on the spot. I start to overthink it and well I just need to stop thinking sometimes!
      The elliptical is so awesome. It takes me awhile to get up to a harder workout but my knees and hips definitely appreciate the elliptical more!

  2. That’s awesome you’re focusing more on macros! I think that’s the ultimate goal, to make sure your bod is getting all of the needed nutrients :) Meltdowns are normal, don’t feel bad! I have them on occasion too, but I try to do just like you– dust myself off and carry on! :) you’re making freaking amazing progress, have fun with the nutritionist today girly!!

  3. Aw lovely, I’m so sorry to hear about breakdown. I used to be exactly the same over certain foods but I found that the only way to get over the fears is to face them. Over time, every time you do face them, the fear gets less and less until eventually you will think ‘omg why did I used to freak out about this?! I love this now!’. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s just the little steps that count to win the battle. And do you know what, I’ve found that all of my fear foods were actually the foods that I most enjoy now..
    And I realised that they shouldn’t be fears if they’re actually my favorite foods – I was only denying myself and they were a fear only to my ED because it didn’t want me to enjoy my food. I feared fats for sooo many years and now I am totally embracing them because I started to challenge my ED by having them bit by bit and now I am LOVING them. Stuff you ED – they’re my fave kind of food now and you ain’t gonna stop me!

    • awe thanks :)
      I’ve been slowly facing my fears. I hope I can get back to that place where I go out and get a frozen yogurt without giving it a second thought! I’m also starting to love the fats. PB is so delicious I can’t avoid it :) and so is hummus<3 my love for hummus is never ending. I mix it up with everything I think of!
      Thanks for all the support<3

  4. I’m a calorie counter too. But not for the reason most people think…As soon as I whip out my food scale ppl think I have this weird eating disorder but on the contrary it’s all part of gaining weight. If I don’t track I’ll end up eating less that I’m suppose to… Macros are definitely important. Protein and fats are essential! :D

  5. Good luck with the nutritionist, Alexis! I used to go through multiple breakdowns a day… pretty much one at every meal. My list of fear foods was astronomical, and I honestly thought I’d never get through it. But the only way to stop fearing food is to eat what you fear and see that nothing bad happens. Yes, there will be anxiety associated with it at first, but you have to push yourself to do it anyways, and try to focus on how much you enjoy what you’re eating. Because, really, life is so much better with delicious food :D

  6. I count also….and I hate that…but, anyway…i worry that i eat waytoo many carbs actually….lately,thru the roof.
    Feelin so sad and down..walking is boring and i am so slow….i’m not healthy or anywhere near capability of cardio (nor do i have access to anything)… just feel like i have so so far to go…trying to keep positive. Trying!

    I feel guilty for weird food combos i put together…like a huge side salad can have 1/2 avocado, cup of butternut squash, bunch of veggies, mustard, etc etc…just as a side, and weird combos of tastes…that makes me feel like i screw up m belly and digestion :(
    i also feel a lot of guilt for eating chocolate and “junk”since i don’t exercse…but i eat it anyway…but still feel all wrong for it.
    Sorry, I’m just an emotional roller-coaster it seems!

    do u see your nutritionist every week? Do you have to pay for her?
    I’m in financial crisis now and wouldn’t be able to afford anything anyway.

    Just eat girl! Treat yourself.

    • It is hard. I’m sorry you’re also going through a rough time. I hope everything gets better for you soon. I’ve been having weird taste combos as well. I thought the wrap with hummus, salsa and cheese was weird at first but I’m guessing it’s just my body telling me I’m craving all of those weird things :)

  7. I still have slight food fears of cookies and stuff like that…which is odd considering I bake them ALL THE TIME. Except, that’s probably my way of dealing with the fears if that I make them myself. That way I can control just what goes into them and I know they’re healthier for me than the store bought stuff.

  8. I can definitely relate to the steps forward, and then finding yourself going backwards later on without even realizing it consciously. It’s okay though, it’s part of the process — stay strong girlie :)

  9. Thank goodness for K supporting you like that! My hips were hurting this weekend too. The elliptical this morning was just what I needed!

  10. I forgot about marshmallow fluff! Ooo I love that stuff!

    Tonight’s agenda consists of working on my wedding website, hitting up the gym, and making dinner.

    I used to love Food Network but recently canceled my cable to save some cash :(

  11. You’re going to love last night’s episode! dah-rama! Penny is kind of a jerk! lol

    I’m sorry last night was hard… It will get easier as the sprinkles of hard stuff starts to become less and less frequent. Just keep your goals in mind and keep trucking on girl! <3

  12. Sorry to hear your having such a hard time. I’ve had a ton of fear foods over the past 2 years (since my eating disorder began). And have since overcome them all. I found if I told my mum, friends, boyfriend etc that I was going to eat something then I didn’t want to chicken out. Ofc… you have to WANT to overcome them in the first place… but it seems to be that you do? Keep up the hard work, I realize how tough this must be for you but just remember that life is better on the other side :) xx

    • haha I tell my mom and boyfriend what I’m going to eat too! I’m so glad you’ve overcome all of your fears that’s wonderful! and yes I DO want to overcome them, my low back pain, depression, and frustration is enough to keep me motivated! Thanks for the support :)

  13. Im so sorry to hear that you have these breakdowns, but SO happy you are finding ways to overcome them! You are so strong!!
    I have plenty of fear foods, like un-organic foods (been working on this so hard lately ), not raw foods, beans, and many weird stuff. Funny thing is that I have a GREAT relationship with dark chocolate, love it and never overeat it!
    I work on breaking my rules, and I do NOT want to be raw. I made a promise to myself today that I am going to give myself breakfast every single day! And a banana is no longer a breakfast (of course it can be part of it). Im so tired of feeling sad and weak, and i feel like eating a solid breakfast makes me stronger so I can fight the voice in my head harder!
    Hope you are enjoying your Monday, stay strong! You are great!!

  14. Those kinds of breakdowns happen to everyone. No one is completely confident with the way they eat every minute of the day. At least you have a good attitude about it!

  15. Congrats on incorporating fluff into your pre-workout breakfast! It may not exactly be healthy-but it’s healthy for the soul..and sometimes that’s the most important health benefit of all!

    As far as breakdowns with food goes, they can be hard, but you have to face your fears girl! When you have a breakdown, it is just Ed talking, saying things that aren’t true. Ed is trying to control non food related things (i.e. emotions, situations that are out of your control with food). The best way to beat the breakdowns is to teat the food anyways. Yes, you may feel guilty, but when you wake up the next morning and realize you are the same exact size and yes, in fact, you are still alive, you’ll feel invigorated and empowered against Ed.

    Keep fighting!

  16. You’re pretty great. Take it slow but keep going. If you stop it’ll be harder to get back on. I love fluff!! Completely void of nutrients but fun nevertheless. and good with nut butter, of course. But then again, what isn’t.?
    No worries about the breakdowns. I almost feel like I should challenge myself more so I push myself. I don’t and do what’s easyand probably not as healthy and don’t move forward. I need to work on this. Tomorrow is challenge tuesday so we’l see.
    Kyle is amazing, can’t wait to hear about your N!!
    food fears: food. just kiding; carbs and fats and protein right now. Macros are big for me. Veggies are safe but I need to break out of that!! I need to challenge sandwiches with nut butter. scaryyyy
    I also lick knives. We should start a knife-lickers anonymous club :)

  17. I really like the elliptical. It’s the perfect balance of difficult+”gliding” at the same time.

    Keep on pushing through the fear foods–the only way you’ll overcome them is by eating them and realizing that the sun will rise the next day and you won’t have gained a bazillion. No food is “bad.” ED is trying to convince you otherwise. You can do this, girl!! :D

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